Let’s Stop Being Right, and Figure Out What Went Wrong: Together

By Spencer Hensel

My dad died in 2020. But in a much different way, I nearly lost him 4 years prior.

It’s not that he was battling a long-term illness. In fact, his untimely death was entirely unexpected. Months after COVID hit, his heart simply stopped. He died in his sleep, and just like that, he was gone.

What happened in 2016 in no way prepared us for my dad’s death. He didn’t get a scary prognosis from his PCP, or sustain a life-threatening injury. What happened, in some ways, was even more unimaginable… 

He voted for Trump.

At the time, I was devastated. My dad raised us to be agnostic. His views were distinctly progressive. As someone who was legally blind his entire life, he had a deep compassion for “the little guy,” and he instilled that in every one of his 3 kids. How could he possibly cast a vote for someone I viewed as a self-serving, morally corrupt billionaire?

His reasons were unclear to me, mostly because we couldn’t talk about it without fighting. This was the man I considered my best friend growing up. When I was kid, we’d watch scary movies together. When I was older, we did daily email song exchanges and would have check-in calls almost weekly. The first time I introduced him to my now husband, Jude, he gave him a hug so big and sincere, it brought him to tears. 

My dad loved me and my siblings and my mom. He was a good man.

But because of a single vote, it felt like the person who raised me was dead. 

We didn’t talk for years. I think all the time about how much I wish I had those years back. Sure, given the political climate then, what we needed was distance. But I came to resent a culture that led us to that. We were backed into our respective corners. Further from one another than ever before. And the worst part was, we weren’t alone in that division. Everyone, it seemed, knew someone they’d cut out of their lives because of their politics.

Flash forward to November 6, 2024. My liberal friends are (understandably) devastated to see yet another Trump term. So am I (I’m genuinely terrified about how a conservative-majority Supreme Court for the next generation could set this nation back). But on top of that fear, what has shaken me to the core is the hatred and vitriol I’ve seen since the results were called. Public, unhinged displays of disdain, not directed at the establishment, or systems that allowed for another Trump presidency. But toward PEOPLE. Voters, who, as we learned in 2016—8 years ago—are fed drastically different news cycles based on their selected tribes (i.e., Democrat v. Republican; Liberal v. Conservative). The division is not just as bad as 2016; it’s worse.

I find myself frustrated with my friends and allies that don’t recognize the inherent bias in news today (right or left). I’m sad that, instead of finding the hope and resilience to reach across the aisles, we’re simply accepting that the United States aren’t so united anymore, that we’re 2 distinct nations battling a righteous war that grows more tense by the day.

We as human beings seem to be losing our ability to discuss, to engage and learn. We don’t challenge our own perspectives of the world. We’re more concerned about being right, than taking a step back to understand how things went so wrong.

From a capitalist point of view, I get it: Compassion doesn’t sell. It doesn’t get clicks or go viral. Shouting sure does - but to what end? Really. That’s not a rhetorical question. Today’s anger might scratch an immediate itch, but in what way does it serve this country? Especially for future generations? What are today’s behaviors teaching our kids? I can’t help but ask these questions as someone who wants to do good in the world.

It was a week before my dad’s death, back in 2020, that we finally moved through the noise and rebuilt our relationship. After visiting him and mom to celebrate my husband’s birthday, I remember literally thinking, “Wow, it feels like I finally have my dad back.” I regained hope.

It’s that sense of hope that keeps me from falling into the same destructive patterns I saw on social media and heard from my friends back in 2016, and again today. Even as I see history repeating itself, I have to choose hope. I hope, for those of us who do feel a sense of safety in doing so—and I understand some don’t—that we don’t shut out the family, friends and neighbors who think differently from us. I hope we’ll lean into tough conversations—even when it’s uncomfortable. I hope we can manage our own feelings, and seek to understand.
I hope we learn to do better than we did in 2016. Because if we're still this divided as a nation, shaming the other side isn’t the answer. Compassion is.

As someone who gives their time—not just with GCC, but as a leader in an allyship space at work, and a TEDx speaker coach—I get to see every day what happens when I try on someone else’s perspective. There’s a magic in that: making connections, especially when those connections aren’t obvious. Those of us looking to make the world better have to flex those muscles. 
Because if we lose that, we risk losing so much more.
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I say this from experience. What would’ve happened if my Dad and I stayed in our respective corners, blinded by anger, bruised from battle? What if we never realized that the real fight is for one another, not against? Fortunately, we found a road back to each other that made us appreciate what little time we had left. I only hope the rest of the country can find a way to do the same.

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Spencer Hensel is a copy director at Southern New Hampshire University (SNHU). He is passionate about helping people own their power, and has channeled this passion as a storyteller, manager, mentor and EDI leader at work. A professional writer for over a decade, he’s had the pleasure of writing for Boston startups in the education, food and tech industries.
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A lifelong learner, he earned a Bachelor of Arts in English Communications at Emmanuel College, along with a graduate certificate in marketing at SNHU. He has also volunteered as a TEDx speaker coach and organizer since 2022. Want to learn more? Connect with him on LinkedIn.

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Please note: Each week, we invite members of the greater Global Citizens Circle community to contribute to GCC Voices. The views and opinions expressed in each blog post are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Global Citizens Circle. 

There’s a magic in that: making connections, especially when those connections aren’t obvious. Those of us looking to make the world better have to flex those muscles. Because if we lose that, we risk losing so much more.
                                                                                                                                                                  ​- Spencer Hensel